A truly terrible Christmas list

Ah Christmas, that wonderful time where we skip gleefully through stores, maxing out our credit cards on an abundance of gifts, all in the attempt to impress our friends and family. It is also the time when we get to receive a collection of fantastic items – things we really did need. “Oh it’s just what I wanted,” we sing.

But how truthful are we being? Let’s be honest, we’ve all had to feign excitement when opening up a truly awful present. But could you fake delight when opening one of the items below? Here is a list of truly terrible Christmas presents – presents that will have that fake smile wiped off your face in seconds!

Colossal Gummi bear

Even the person with the sweetest of addictions wouldn’t appreciate this Christmas monstrosity. Weighing in at 11kg and containing 32,000 calories it is a gift with only two uses: it will make you both fat and sick.

Stained underwear safe

This dirty little invention will certainly surprise the receiver. The stained underwear is intended to ward off burglars. Basically pop your money in a hidden pocket in the underwear and the unmistakable brown stains on the briefs are sure to prevent thieves from completing a thorough search.  A gift which promises disgust as well as functionality.

 Crocs mobile case

Crocs are one of the worst fashion disasters, so it is only fair the worst Christmas gift list features these hideous footwear designs. A mobile case in the style of a croc is bound to create a few frowns.

 Bakon vodka

Vodka is a great last-minute back-up present. It will certainly be used over the festive period. However, bacon flavoured vodka is never going to go down well.

Banana case

A banana is already one of those handy fruits that has a peel and doesn’t need to be washed before consumption, so why bother with a case? Not a good Christmas gift!

Decapitated teddy lamp

Give this to a child on Christmas and you will probably ruin their entire day. A teddy bear with a light bulb and shade replacing its head is sure to cause nightmares.

Fetus cookie cutters

A disturbing take on the term “one in the oven”, this weird gift is a stocking filler which promises to achieve a look of disgust once the wrapping is unravelled.

Nothing

We all have that one person who has just about everything and is impossible to buy for. Not any more! With this crafty little package containing absolutely nothing, you are sure to be giving that special friend something they haven’t got.

Michelle McGill