Self-care and dating after a post-pandemic divorce

2020 was one of the most significant years of our lives. The pandemic showed people things they never thought were possible, including bringing adjustments that were probably unforeseen. Among the things that changed for some were personal relationships with the people we loved – married couples in particular.

The pressure of the pandemic and the requirement to stay indoors with partners revealed some ugly truths for some. Data collected shows an increase in divorce rates throughout the year 2020 by as much as 122%. Once the worst of the pandemic was over, a  lot of couples re-evaluated their lives and decided to move on with their lives as individuals.

For those among the people who got divorced and decided to move on, the idea of starting afresh can sound daunting. It’s even harder to maintain a sex drive amid stress like this. Yet, it is possible and even healthy to do so, if it’s tackled the right way.

Here are a few tips to help with mental and sexual health in a post-pandemic reshuffle.

Accept and work on anxiety around dating

Depending on how long a marriage lasts, it is normal and even expected to be anxious around dating after a divorce. This is especially the case if one’s spouse was the only other intimate partner throughout.

As time goes by, one gets comfortable being vulnerable with one person and can’t imagine doing the same all over again with someone completely new. Whether a man or woman, going on that first date will be a daunting task. It will probably be difficult to even remember the last time being on a first date, let alone being intimate with someone else. Add anxiety to the mix and anyone’s sex drive is likely to take a hit.

The best way to handle such anxiety is to first acknowledge that it exists: accept that it’s fair to be anxious and find ways to work on that anxiety so that it does not spoil the moment. It can even help to talk to the new partner about it (bonus points for them if they’re reassuring!).

Rediscover what feels good in bed

Sex is much more complex than most people think. Having been married puts a person in a better position to understand this better than most. In order to enjoy sex, it has to feel good otherwise there would be no point and one’s sex drive will be affected.

Depending on the kind of sex life had during married life, it helps to try and rediscover what really feels good in bed. After all, one can only enjoy a complete sexual experience with a new partner if both sides are getting some.

The best way to do this is through communication. Lack of proper communication can lead to sex problems because a partner can’t know what their bedfellow likes without. Also, it helps a lot to explore this side of things without rushing or any feelings of insecurity.

Explore different modes of satisfaction

For both men and women, it’s important to understand that sexual intercourse is not linear: sex does not just have to be about stimulation to orgasm. There are many ways of getting the same pleasure and even more ways of enhancing this kind of pleasure without pressuring for some kind of completion during sex.

For women, taking time to learn about vaginal vs clitoral orgasms can be helpful. Couples might also be interested in exploring sex toys such as vibrators during sex as a mode of enhancing the sexual experience.

By exploring different modes of sexual satisfaction, one is are allowing oneself to be more open and confident in an intimate setting, which ultimately helps improve or maintain a healthy sex drive after a divorce.

Try and stay active

Sex is as much of a physical game as it is a mental and emotional game. At some point, one needs to be in a position where it’s physically possible to enjoy sex. After a divorce, it is easy to get in a funk that might remove a person from being physically active in life. It is important to remember to stay physically active, even when it seems hard.

Staying active is not just good for one’s overall health, it is good for the sex drive as well. One great way of staying physically active is by getting regular exercise. Exercise can be in any form such as going to the gym, walking or jogging.

Good exercise will be responsible for positive results such as a positive body image, increased endurance, increased testosterone in men and a reduced risk of diseases such as diabetes.

Finally, staying active staves off sex drive inhibitors such as obesity. A study found out that obesity can lead to low sex drive and other issues such as infertility.

Stay safe

One great way of maintaining a healthy sex drive after divorce is to safeguard oneself at all times. The best way to do this is by using protection, especially in situations where a partner’s medical and sexual history are not assured.

Imagine being in a situation sleeping with someone whose sexual history looks sketchy – it’s normal to be worried about catching an STI. This might affect sex drive and the moment. By protecting oneself at all times, confidence will be increased and all involved will be less worried about catching a disease or an unwanted pregnancy, and therefore be more open to having fun.

Another great way to stay safe is by carefully picking people to be intimate with. Whether we like it or not, not everyone has good intentions and not everyone is a good person. The chances of meeting such people increase if we are reckless about how we vet them.

By being vigilant about the kind of people we let into our lives, we reduce the chances of having regrets. This, in turn, plays well with the sex drive in that we will be better able to enjoy these intimate moments.

Eat well

Is divorce making it hard to eat? Or has it pushed things so far out of their established comfort zone that it’s necessary to figure out how to maintain healthy eating behaviours again?

Most new divorcees have a hard time carrying out normal activities that they were used to until their world can regain some sense of normalcy. This is completely understandable. Among the things one needs to stay on top to get through all the stress is eating habits. It is even more important if one wants to maintain a healthy sex drive when it’s time to meet new partners.

It’s a good start to try eating clean and making sure to stay away from junk food. One can also find information online about foods that will help boost your sex drive. All in all, it’s best to make sure that what goes in one’s mouth won’t be the reason for having a low sex drive.

Conclusion

Sad as it is, a divorce is not the end of anyone’s life. It can be an opportunity to have a healthy interaction with any human being at all. However, for those who decide to keep their sexual life active, there are a number of things to consider. The steps above will not only help maintain a healthy libido, but will also help to maintain mental and physical health.

The editorial unit