Dating in the 21st century: How to make the best of being online

The modern world of dating has dramatically changed. People are spending more and more time online, accessing digital entertainment and working from home, lots of us have had to self-isolate in recent years, and it’s become more common to couple up later in life. For these reasons, meeting a partner or playmate in person is becoming harder and harder to do, and lots of individuals of all ages and backgrounds have turned to online dating as a way to find their mate.

Of course, communicating online comes with its pros and cons: yes, there’s a whole universe of available singles who are reachable without leaving the sofa, but making a real connection can be a challenge, and there’s always a risk that the person at the other end of the chat isn’t who they seem. With that in mind, here are some ideas for making online dating safe and successful.

Keep an open mind

The obvious risk of meeting people on the Internet is that there’s no way to judge chemistry on the first meeting and the algorithms are designed to get people swiping in either direction quickly. In other words, it’s very easy to make a snap judgement, when chemistry in person can take some time to develop or there can be an instant spark with someone unexpected. Of course, we all have preferences and some are non-negotiable, but for everything else it’s worth keeping an open mind. So this prospective mate doesn’t have brown eyes – but what if he’s perfect in every other way? To take effective advantage of the dating service and avoid limiting options, letting some details go can work in one’s favour.

Sext and meet safely

Sexting is a common step in modern relationships, something that has become even more common during the pandemic. Obviously neither party should feel under pressure to send explicit photos –  The Cut has an entire article on how to do this – because there’s always a possibility that the person one is chatting to isn’t as nice as they say they are. The reasons are varied, but it’s always a good idea to be wary, particularly when engaging in sending explicit photos or if there are plans to meet up. When meeting a new friend, it’s essential to make the rendezvous somewhere safe and public, and let a friend or family know what the plan is so that they can raise the alarm if anything seems amiss. It’s also smart to get a phone number and daters should be responsible with drinks (and ideally keep an eye on them at all time) and if the date goes well, the decision to take it home should be considered carefully. In the meantime, platforms such as Arousr provide a platform to sext in an easy way.

Be genuine

The idea behind using an online dating app or website is to enable a real connection with someone (be it sexual or emotional), and for that reason there’s no sense in pretending. As discussed, it’s very easy to present an identity that isn’t real, but since there are fewer consequences to being embarrassed or judged by a stranger online than there would be if the link was made in person, what’s the harm in being totally honest? Sure, nobody can be everyone’s cup of tea, but what if the “real you” is exactly who that person in their own living room is looking for? There are few disadvantages to being clear about preferences, dreams, boundaries and what makes a person tick. 

Don’t give too much away

The reasons behind this particular tip are twofold. Firstly, it’s a question of security: telling a stranger where one lives, one’s full name, bank details or any other potentially sensitive information is never a good idea, no matter how nice they seem. Before a potential match has been met in person, it’s usually good practice to keep cards close to the chest. On a related note, oversharing even non-sensitive details can cause conversation to dry up and risk preventing a true connection. There’s nothing worse than meeting up and finding there’s nothing left to talk about, and that sense of intimacy that’s created when one texts endlessly with a new person can often be deceiving. It’s important to be genuine, but also to keep some things for later.

The Internet is a great resource for meeting new people, providing one knows how best to go about it. That said, the world of online dating, endless swiping and awkward meet-ups can take its toll, and that’s when it’s time to take a break and spend some quality me-time – whether that’s solo walks in the park or catching up on that new hobby. Until then, these tips will keep things moving in the right direction and all that’s left to do is have fun!

The editorial unit