How to deal with an unexpected divorce

In terms of life experiences, a divorce must surely rank as one of the least enjoyable hurdles to overcome – particularly when it occurs out of the blue. It’s the start of a rollercoaster of emotions, affecting not only you and your spouse, but any children or extended family members.

It’s probably the biggest life-changing event that you’re unlikely to plan for. After all, when you enter into marriage, the last thing you’ll do is think about the worst-case scenario and your relationship breaking down.

Focus on you

Going through the motions of divorce proceedings when you weren’t necessarily expecting it can take its toll. You’ll no doubt go through feelings of shock, anger, sadness and despair. But it’s important to remember that these are all normal emotions for such a big life moment. Finding ways to seek healthy outlets for these emotions is crucial.

Engage with a counsellor or therapist regularly. It’s important to vocalise and process your feelings and develop new coping strategies. You may also have close friends or family members that you can confide in. Don’t be afraid to show weakness. If you’ve got a support network, lean on it where you can.

Make your children’s wellbeing a priority

If you and your spouse have children from your marriage, prioritise their happiness and stability. They too will feel confused, anxious and fearsome about the future. It’s important you and your spouse create an environment where they feel cherished and can vocalise their feelings.

Keep open lines of communication with your kids. Be upfront about the situation but do your best to keep explanations on a level that your little ones will understand. Try all you can to maintain consistency with your kids’ routines. Whether it’s school schedules, extracurricular activities or something as simple as bedtime, it can all help to create a sense of security.

Engage a family law solicitor

Another crucial step forward in accepting and dealing with an unexpected divorce is to engage family lawyers which are experienced in guiding married couples through the legal and financial complexities of divorce. A family law solicitor is vital. They can stand in your corner and represent your best interests.

Divorce will often involve the division of assets, debts and income. Having legal representation can help you to secure a fair settlement across property, spousal support and even things like pensions looking further ahead.

Set some exciting financial goals

An important part of looking after and rebuilding your mental health post-divorce is to define some ambitious financial goals. Divorce can hamper your financial stability overnight, of that there is no doubt. However, it’s good to view this as an opportunity to create new budgets, realign your financial priorities and set targets which create a sense of achievement and positivity.

Being told that your marriage is over when you least expect is a crushing experience. It can demolish self-confidence and self-worth and increase your fears for the future. However, by celebrating the small victories and your resilience in overcoming the challenges of divorce, you can create a new sense of fulfilment in life, readying you for the next chapter.

For further reading around this subject, check out:

• Should couples be allowed a quick divorce at the Registry Office?
• How to make your post-divorce goals more manageable

The editorial unit