If I Had Legs I’d Kick You

Mary Bronstein’s long-awaited return after her 2008 mumblecore classic Yeast takes us into the exhausting, surreal life of Linda (Rose Byrne), a Montauk-based therapist struggling to care for her seriously ill young daughter in a motel, while her husband (voiced by Christian Slater) is away at sea. Here, the emotional weight of motherhood is felt through the relentless voice of her daughter (Delaney Quinn), who remains unseen, never once appearing on screen. This decision – simple, yet daring – forces the audience to engage with Linda’s reality without requiring any overt empathy. It’s enough to listen to her daughter’s constant stream of complaints, worries and needs to understand the overwhelming strain Linda faces. No sympathy is needed; the voice alone is enough to carry the emotional load of the film.

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You pushes us to experience the protagonist’s world from her perspective, not through the lens of the daughter’s suffering, but through the cracks and fractures that appear in Linda herself. The choice to keep the young character’s off-screen directs the film’s focus entirely on Linda’s psyche. The audience is invited not to empathise, but rather to experience the suffocating weight of her responsibilities. Linda’s life – marked by strained phone calls with her husband, bizarre patients, and a work environment that offers little reprieve – becomes a study in the isolation of motherhood. Bronstein’s script and direction keep the focus squarely on Linda as Byrne perfectly captures her exhaustion, frustration and brief bouts of histrionics. 

The movie’s realism is harsh, capturing the day-to-day frustrations that define Linda’s existence: run-ins with an unhelpful convenience store employee (Ivy Wolk), the constant strain of her daughter’s illness, and her desperate attempts to connect with her own therapist and colleague (Conan O’Brien). Yet, amid the mundane irritations, Bronstein veers into darker territory, offering flashes of horror and mystery with moments of surrealism – like the mysterious hole on the ceiling of Linda’s apartment. 

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a strikingly original take on motherhood, exposing the raw, unflinching reality of a woman who is, at once, a caregiver, a wife and someone deeply in need of care herself. Bronstein crafts a narrative that speaks volumes through absence, forcing us to confront the complexities of personal survival and maternal identity in ways few films dare to.

Christina Yang

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You does not have a release date yet.

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